Broken Hollywood (Sparrow Sisters Book 1) Read online

  My nervous behavior seemed to bolster his confidence. He leaned over and kissed my forehead. “Audrey called me a few minutes ago. She told me you and a bunch of friends were going to the beach today. She mentioned that you weren’t going to invite me.”

  “That rat.”

  He laughed.

  “I didn’t know if you’d want to come,” I said.

  “You didn’t know if I’d want to come, or you didn’t want me to come?”

  “Jesse…” I shifted from foot to foot. The time for being coy was long over. The time for letting my fear rule me was finished. If I were going to conquer this fear, I’d have to face it. I lifted my chin. “I’m scared by how much I want you to come.”

  He smiled and took a step closer, pulling me into a hug. I rested my head against his chest, and listened to his heartbeat. “You’re not staying, Jesse. I wish you were, but you aren’t. And don’t say you’d stay for me. I can’t be the reason you don’t continue to pursue your dreams. I’m trying to figure this out. I’ve never given my heart to anyone before, but I already know I can’t do it partway. Every time I see you, pieces of my heart get your name written all over them.”

  He leaned back to look at me, his eyes burning into mine. “I’m getting my swim trunks. I’ll be back in ten minutes.”

  “But Jesse, shouldn’t we discuss this? Figure it all out?”

  “We can discuss it later. Today, let’s have a great day with your friends.”

  Six hours later, sun drunk and exhausted, I sat in a beach chair flanked on either side by my sisters. We’d eaten chicken and fruit. We’d floated on inflatable rings and we’d had water fights. I’d let Jesse carry me in his arms out to the deep part, where he could touch and I couldn’t, and I’d let him kiss me in front of everyone.

  Valerie’s friend Destiny had come along, arriving a few hours after the rest of us, and I had the fleeting thought that she could possibly be taking our picture as we kissed, and she could easily email it to a tabloid. But I chased the thought away, which was surprisingly easy to do with Jesse’s arms around me and his mouth on mine.

  Now the rest of the girls were making a huge sandcastle, and the three of us watched as the boys played some wrestling game in the water, which we wanted no part of.

  “Why is it that boys are so obsessed with wrestling and proving their strength?” Audrey asked. “Even Keaton’s doing it, which, frankly, is shocking to me. I didn’t think he could surprise me anymore.”

  “It must be a vestigial impulse from caveman days,” I said. “Even Jesse’s doing it, and he’s twenty-three.”

  We watched Jesse take Tyler under, and then Tyler resurfaced and climbed on his back. Danny pried him off, and Keaton grabbed Danny’s arm and pulled. Valerie clicked her tongue. “Well, it’s stupid what they’re doing, but isn’t it nice that they’re bonding?”

  “I suppose so,” Audrey said. “And Jesse fits right in,” she added, looking at me.

  “I think Jesse could fit in with nine-hundred-year-old aliens on their home planet.”

  Audrey smiled. “It’s just because he’s comfortable in his own skin. He isn’t worried about impressing anyone, he’s just being himself.”

  “How can I be more like that?” I was joking, but she answered anyway.

  “Practice. You have to challenge yourself. Put yourself out there and see that you can do hard things.”

  “And you have to be willing for people to not like you. You have to allow them that, knowing inside yourself that you’re lovable.”

  I sighed. “You two planned this little speech, didn’t you?”

  Audrey jabbed my side with her elbow. “Here, have another brownie and take our advice. You know we’re right.”

  “So what do you think of Danny?” Valerie asked.

  Grateful for the subject change, I said, “His jokes are corny, and he’s polite. I like him.”

  “Hmm,” Val said.

  “You don’t like him?” Audrey asked.

  “I don’t know. He’s fine. I’ll probably go out with him at least one more time. It’s so hard to date around here. We’ve known everyone, at least a little bit, since we were kids. We all have the same stories about Alden, and we all had Mrs. Pruitt in first grade. You know what I mean? I can’t wait until I can get out into the world and fish in a new sea.”

  “Or maybe you’ll be like Cat,” Audrey said, “And a new fish will come to our little pond.”

  Chapter 26

  Jesse

  The last family in our tour bid us goodbye, and as soon as they disappeared out the cave exit, I put my arms around Cat and kissed her deeply. She laughed against my lips. “Jesse, we’re at work.”

  I moved my mouth to her ear and whispered, “Catherine.” She shivered in my arms. She’d told me there was something about me saying her full name that pressed all the right buttons. I wanted to say it a thousand times a day but, worrying it could become stale, reserved it for limited use. “That group stayed for over two hours, which means I went over two hours without touching you.”

  She laid her palms flat on my chest and smiled. “So you’re saying you earned it?”

  I shook my head. “I’m saying I couldn’t help it.”

  She rolled her eyes, as if she didn’t believe me, but she was smiling. My arms still around her, I tightened my hold and said, “Only six days until we leave for my premiere.”

  She tried to pull away but I held on. We hadn’t discussed the premiere at all this week. I’d let the blissful normalcy of that day at the beach continue. I hadn’t wanted to rattle her. I’d wanted to lay a few more bricks on our foundation before I tested it.

  I opened my mouth to say the things I’d rehearsed, but she lifted a hand and pressed her palm over it.

  “Let me go first,” she said.

  I kissed her palm.

  “Let’s sit.”

  We dropped to the cool cavern floor, and sat crossed legged, facing each other. The river gently moved beside us. I removed my helmet, and she frowned at me, always a stickler for the rules. I smiled and gestured with my hand to indicate that she had the floor.

  “I’ve been thinking about it all the time. I want to be there for you. I want to hold your hand when it’s hard for you. When people ask you about James, I want you to be able to turn and see my face, and know that you’re not alone. I don’t know how many people there see you, Jesse, the real you, but I want you to know there’s one person there who does.”

  I blinked fast, emotion rising.

  She leaned in close and said quietly, “Can I tell you what scares me?”

  Feeling the delicacy of the moment, I nodded and didn’t speak.

  “If I go, everyone will say I’m not good enough for you.”

  “Cat, no—”

  She cut me off. “It’s not that it hurts me that they’ll say it. It will hurt because I believe it.”

  My breath left me in a rush.

  “Right now, I’m the only one who knows I’m not good enough. If I go with you, everyone else will, too.” Her eyes brimmed with tears.

  Acting on instinct, I scooted forward and wrapped my arms around her. Our legs knocked together, in the way, but I ignored them and I pressed her head into my chest. “Is that what you really think?”

  She nodded, her hair tickling my neck.

  I rubbed my hand in circles on her back. My nose stung with the threat of my own tears. It hurt to think she felt that way, that she had these dark thoughts inside and wounded herself with them. “Cat, you are the only person who’s good enough for me. ‘Good enough’ isn’t even the right phrase. What does that even mean? Good enough how?”

  She pulled back to wipe the tears from her cheeks. She looked at me, and surprise was evident on her face at what she saw. She reached up and wiped the tears from under my eyes, the tears on her fingers mixing with mine.

  “What did you think I was doing, Cat? What do you think this is between us?” My voice cracked and I pulled a shuddering brea
th in.

  She furrowed her brow, her eyes wide. “I...I guess I thought we were...casual?”

  I stood up and paced, pulling my lower lip into my mouth and biting it, fighting to contain myself. When I could trust myself to speak calmly, I said, “No. This was never casual for me.”

  Her nostrils flared. “Well, I’ve never done this before, okay? And you live in California, not here. And I’d never even kissed anyone, let alone—”

  She stopped abruptly, and closed her mouth. She crossed her arms over her chest, breathing rapidly.

  “Let alone what?”

  She blinked, her eyes darting around the cave, avoiding mine.

  I stalked toward her, lifting her chin with my fingers. “Let alone what, Catherine.” I’d used her full name twice in one day. I hoped I wasn’t overplaying my hand.

  Her mouth parted, but words didn’t come. I leaned down and pressed a soft kiss on her lips. “Tell me.”

  “Let alone felt this way,” she whispered.

  The tide inside me turned. The tense, edgy feelings receded, replaced by a confident peace. “What way do you feel?” I gave her another kiss.

  She took in a shaky breath. “I feel very strongly about you, even though I tried not to.”

  I cocked my head to the side, holding her eyes with mine. “Why did you try not to?”

  “Because...because I’m afraid.”

  “Of?”

  “Of being hurt.”

  “I’m not going to hurt you, Cat.”

  She reached up, tentatively, and wrapped her arms around my neck. She was growing more comfortable with this conversation. “It will hurt when you’re not here,” she said.

  “I don’t intend to be without you. There are compromises available to us.”

  A measure of panic returned to her eyes, but she didn’t look away. “What are you saying? You can’t say these things when you’re not even my boyfriend.”

  I blinked, stunned. She didn’t know. Sure, we’d never said the words, but I’d thought it was obvious. “If my heart has anything to say about it, I certainly am.”

  “You are?”

  I put as much feeling as I could behind the word. “Yes.”

  “Oh.”

  I chuckled and kissed her forehead.

  She grabbed my face in both her hands and pressed her lips to mine, her kiss fierce and claiming. “I guess I better get a fancy dress.”

  Chapter 27

  Cat

  Valerie held up a red silk dress. I shook my head, sifting through the rack of dresses. Betsy’s Dress Shop didn’t have sequined gowns and it certainly didn’t have couture, and that was exactly why I was here. Jesse had offered to get me a dress. His agent was having a tuxedo made for him, and he said it was no problem to get something for me.

  But the way I figured it, if I were going to show my face in public with Jesse Relic, people were going to wonder how a girl like me landed a guy like him. I wanted the story straight from the beginning. I was a small town girl. I did not have aspirations of becoming a movie star. I wasn’t after their roles or their men. I’d wear a nice dress from my local dress shop, and if any journalists on the red carpet asked me who I was wearing, I’d give Betsy’s shop a shout-out.

  “I can’t wear red, Val. It’ll call too much attention to me.”

  Audrey stepped out from the dressing room, where she had placed all the black dresses I’d chosen. “I thought you decided you were going to do this.”

  “I am doing this.”

  “Not if you’re refusing to even try on a slinky red dress. You’re trying to go halfway on this, and I won’t let you. You can’t. From what you told us, Jesse is all in. I know you want to be, too, so you can’t reject things out of hand.”

  “It’s a red dress,” I said, infusing my tone with irritation, knowing all the while that I was only irritated because I was feeling insecure.

  “Yes, and wearing it will indicate to Jesse, and to the world, that you can handle it.”

  “Audrey’s right,” Val said.

  I rolled my eyes, but she’d chosen the right words, and I considered it. I wanted to send a message that I was comfortable with who I was. That meant wearing what I liked, and I did wear red a lot. I’d been wearing red when Jesse and I kissed on the beach. I grabbed the red dress and went to the dressing room.

  I tried on the long black dress first. Nope. It was late June and I didn’t want to be a sweaty mess. Next I tried on the short black dress. It was pretty. I liked the neckline. But it didn’t wow me. So I tried on the short black dress with the lace. Nope.

  The only one left was the red one. I slipped it on. It was short, hitting me mid-thigh. It was tight at the legs, but had flowy sleeves and a plunging neckline. My eyes traveled up my reflection, checking for lumps and panty lines. Finding none, I met my eyes in the mirror. My face had transformed. This dress was everything I needed it to be. It was my shield, because I felt so good in it that any negative comments would bounce right off.

  The day Jesse left for the press tour was a hard one. I wasn’t going with him for that part, because he wouldn’t be able to spend any time with me. As busy as he’d be, apparently he’d disappointed some people, including his agent, but he wasn’t willing to do more press than three days. He had to spend one day in a hotel doing things called roundtables and one to ones. I didn’t understand all of it, but it sounded like he’d be spending hours upon hours answering the same questions by many, many reporters. On top of that, he had to do one daytime talk show and one evening show.

  Otto and I drove him to the airport. We paid to park the car so we could walk him in. We found a bank of seats where we could say goodbye before he went through security, and Jesse’s knee was bouncing with nervous energy. Otto placed a hand on either side of his neck, and looked him in the eye. “I love you, Jesse.”

  As I watched, Jesse’s eyes dropped closed, his knee stopped shaking, and his shoulders relaxed. He kissed his grandfather’s cheek. “I love you, too.”

  Otto left to give us some privacy, and now I was the nervous one. Jesse was free with his words. What if he told me he loved me? I took a deep breath and held it, imagining how his voice would sound, and how I would react. As I breathed out, I relaxed.

  Jesse turned to me and pulled me close. “I don’t want to leave.”

  I smiled. “Well, next time I’ll be coming with you.”

  In the three days that had passed since then, without Jesse there to bolster my confidence, I’d talked myself out of going and then back into going at least a dozen times. Setting the last stack of clothes in my suitcase, I turned to my sisters. “I’m scared.”

  Valerie tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. “I know. That’s how you grow, Cat.”

  Audrey pulled my arm to her side. “You’re going to be fine. And you better save up every detail to tell us when you get back.”

  Now I was in the airport again, with Jesse again, preparing to depart together. Jesse looked exhausted, with dark circles under his eyes and pale skin. I’d tried to tell him he could stay in LA and I would fly in alone and meet him. He had insisted on flying back here in order to fly back with me, and he was paying for it in lost sleep.

  I would have felt bad, except our reunion would live forever in my memory. “I missed you more than I thought possible,” he’d said. He had rained kisses all over my face and held me so tight I squeaked and he had to loosen his grip. I was sorry he was tired, but I was glad for that memory.

  We checked my bag at the curb, so I wore my backpack and Jesse carried his small bag past the shops and restaurants. This was the Indianapolis airport, not LAX, so Jesse said he didn’t need a security team. I was nervous though. I thought Jesse might wear a ball cap pulled low, and sunglasses, like he had when we dropped him off last time. But this time, he had his face on full display. A few people waved to him, and he waved back, lots of people pulled out phones and snapped pictures, but we didn’t stop moving. He kept our pace quick, until we reached th
e long line for airport security.

  The first person to approach was a teenage girl. She held out a notebook, her hands trembling. She said nothing, but Jesse smiled at her and signed her paper, and asked if she wanted a picture. Wide-eyed, she nodded. I stepped back to make sure I was out of the frame.

  That girl seemed to have broken the ice, and after that Jesse was swarmed. It wasn’t scary, but it was surreal. It was loud. I tried to stay out of the way. Not many people even seemed to realize I was with him. They probably thought I was another fan, waiting for my autograph.

  After about ten minutes of this, it was our turn to go through security. Jesse held up his hands and thanked the people, and I was glad when our bodies and bags were scanned and we found a quiet corner of the waiting area.

  “You okay?” he asked when we sat down.

  “Yeah.” And I was. My heart still raced, and I felt like part of me still needed to return to my body, but I was okay.

  “It’s not always like that. Most of the time people aren’t expecting to see me, so they don’t even notice me. Airports are different.”

  I put my hand on his forearm. “It’s okay, Jesse. I expected this.” I’d done so much overthinking and analyzing that there were very few situations I wasn’t prepared for.

  We didn’t wait long in the waiting area. Before anyone else boarded, an attendant approached us and told Jesse we could board. She led us onto the plane, and showed us our seats. I’d balked at the first class ticket he bought me, but now that we were seated, I was thankful. This plane had a curtain that closed off the aisle, so we spent the flight in semi-privacy.

  Jesse was fairly quiet. My self-doubt was trying to persuade me that because he had visited home, he now realized what he had in Alden with me wasn’t real. But the part of me that was growing stronger, that didn’t frame the whole world around my limited view, knew it probably had more to do with the loss of his best friend. L.A. was probably full of reminders. Probably lots of people had offered their condolences and shared memories. I hurt for him.